Moments in Time
by Winter Zephyr
Summary: Kazuki remembers some moments from the past. Hopefully not too awful. KazukiRen.


Disclaimer: Don't own GB. I've only watched the anime, so pardon me if there are any mistakes!

The white walls of the place frightened him. Kazuki, Fuuchoin heir, one of the Four Kings, had felt frightened before, but this was worse than any fear he had felt. Even the time he had reached the Belt Line was nothing compared to this. He turned away from the walls, looking at the young ladies in pristine white uniforms bustling about with trays carrying terrifyingly sharp, sterilized surgical tools or walking briskly to their charges. The complete blankness of their faces did nothing to help assuage his rising panic.

They had taken her through those white, swinging doors. She had been screaming in pain, sobbing with agony. He had called out encouragements repeatedly, telling her to be strong, not to give up, hearing his own hollow voice as he spoke and realizing how panicky and terrified he sounded. His cries faded to desperate whisperings of her name as her grip on his hand loosened and the stretcher she lay on was pushed past the doors, to a place he couldn't go.

And now he was stuck outside, waiting in a white hallway full of people and yet feeling more alone than he had ever been before. Before this, some of them had stared at him as he frantically tried to soothe her, wondering if they were watching some sort of lesbian love scene. He ignored them. Once the stretcher carrying her had vanished and her cries had faded, they turned back to their own private worlds and became lost in their own sorrows and aches, oblivious to everyone else's. But in this place where lives were lost and frail hopes were shattered every day, what was his despair compared to theirs? He was just another sufferer in a sea of similar grievers.

Kazuki stood still in the midst of bustling activity, getting into the hospital staff's way and blocking patients and their families. He was still staring at the double doors, straining his sensitive ears to try to pick up any indication of his wife's condition. He could have attached a string to her, or to one of the doctors, but he had been too distraught to think about it until now.

"Excuse me, miss, you're blocking the way," an orderly said sharply as he turned the wheelchair he was carrying a patient in slightly to avoid a collision. Kazuki didn't bother to correct him. Or obey him, for that matter.

All of a sudden, the dim buzzing of tearful relatives and worried parents became a full-fledged roar. The sudden onslaught of noise made him flinch. All the numbness he had felt earlier, the sensation that this wasn't happening, this was a dream, it all disappeared and a dreadful, cold hand of fear gripped his heart. He somehow stumbled into a plastic chair and buried his face in his hands, not caring about his long hair flowing onto the floor or looking foolish.

"Ren," he gasped, taking a shuddering breath, blinking back the tears. Questions he couldn't answer tormented him. What was happening to her? Was she still in pain? Would she be all right? Was she going to…no, he wouldn't even think that. He couldn't. He had to be strong.

Kazuki had always had to be strong. He was the heir of the Fuuchoin clan, the one who would lead the future generations of the family, the one who would protect them, nurture them, help them flourish. How could he be weak in a house that had fostered so many strong men and women? He had to be strong. He had to be the wise one who led the clan when he was old enough. Be hard. Be unyielding. Be strong.

And then there came the attack…the fire…his mother walking back into a burning building, cool as ice and hoping against hope to save her family. He had cried when he saw her going, knowing she was going through those wooden doors for the last time and that she was never going to come back. What if Ren had gone through those white doors for the last time too? But no…thoughts like that had no place here. He had to be strong. If not for himself, then for her, he told himself, as if his will would bind her spirit to him forever come what may.

As his mother had told him to, Kazuki went to Mugenjou. His faithful friend, Kakei Juubei, and his sister Sakura had gone with him. He had led his own group then, Fuuga, and for a time he was feared by many as the wielder of strings whose ruthlessness and cruelty were legendary. He had done unnecessary things then, evil things, like stringing his enemies up on walls and sewing their lips together. He hated doing things like that, things that struck horror and fear into other people's hearts. He had wanted to cry when he saw the children of Lower Town scattering as he approached, pure terror in their faces. But he didn't. He had to be strong to be a leader. If he wasn't, others would come to supplant him or take advantage of his softness. He had to be strong if he wanted himself and his friends to survive. He had been feared, hated and admired all at once by the inhabitants of Mugenjou, and for a time he ruled the Lower Town and attracted followers like Uryuu Toshiki. Others came to challenge his position, some alone, some with their gang members behind them. The only one whom Kazuki hadn't trussed up like a turkey in less than five minutes was Fuyuki Shido, the Beastmaster.

Shido had come alone, with his train of animals following him. And Kazuki, Kazuki who in his youth had already begun mistaking arrogance and cockiness for strength, confident in his superiority and the skills of his loyal protectors, had answered his challenge. Not that Shido had openly called on Kazuki of the Strings to prove he was as powerful as everyone said he was, you understand. But by simply entering Lower Town, by just walking into territory that was ruled by Fuuga, he was already challenging Kazuki's superiority.

"Hey, Beastmaster!" he had called out from a rooftop at the strangely-clad newcomer, a smirk on his face. The newcomer had looked up questioningly. "Aren't you a long way from home in the jungle here? What do you want in Infinite Castle?"

They had fought. Rather, Kazuki had sent his followers to fight him. But all of them, even the determined Juubei and the powerful Toshiki, were defeated by him. In the end, Kazuki fought him himself. The fight itself was too long and too fast-paced for him to remember, second only in the memories of Lower Town's inhabitants to the fight between the Thunder Emperor and the blue-eyed stranger. It was a blur of attacking, defending and counter-attacking to him, too fuzzy for proper reflection. But somehow, they had found respect for each other during that fight. In the end, it ended with a humbler Kazuki and a new friend.

Then he met Amano Ginji, the Thunder Emperor, and now he found his strength was no longer needed. Kazuki had always been the leader, the one that people looked to for direction and orders. His strength was their strength. But now he was nothing but a King, ruling under a formidable Emperor. But Kazuki was not an ordinary servant. He had been Ginji's friend. Ever so often, they would sit on one of the large piles of debris and scrap metal that were scattered all over Mugenjou, sometimes talking and sometimes not. He had sensed Ginji's loneliness first, during one of those times, but he had grown so used to drawing from Raitei's strength, the way others had drawn strength from him, that he pushed down his uneasiness and convinced himself that nothing was wrong.

During the time of Volts, Kazuki had sworn to follow the Thunder Emperor wherever he may go. When Ginji left with Midou Ban, Kazuki had left too. He went without telling Juubei, without telling Sakura or Makubex or Emishi, going as quietly and as unexpectedly as Toshiki before him. For once, he was as alone as he had always felt, on his own in a world that seemed so enormous now that he was out of Lower Town. He had never expected to go back, thinking that he would start again, leaving all old ties behind and beginning once more like Ginji seemed to be doing with Midou Ban-san.

But he did go back. It was the IL Retrieval. Kazuki had thought that he could cut loose, could be as hard and uncaring as he had pretended to be during the years of Fuuga, but then he remembered his childhood, the true friend that had promised to look after him forever no matter what, and then he found himself back in those familiar streets once more. He had found his old friend and protector again, and then a new friend. Ren, the pharmacist's granddaughter. At that time, she was still a small girl, dreaming of the glory of what Volts had been before the Raitei left, trying to help but not capable of much. He had only thought of her as an innocent, sheltered child fantasizing about things she would never really understand. At the time, she hadn't mattered much. He was too worried about Makubex and Juubei, whom he had admittedly thrashed very badly. She had followed him with adoring puppy dog eyes, something like Juubei but much less significant. Besides, she was young. In a few months she would have forgotten him.

However, Kazuki was proven wrong. He found out that she had helped Makubex's kidnappers, including a one Uryuu Toshiki. He found pity for her, feeling sorry for a young child experiencing things that he himself had never felt because he had had to grow up as fast as he could. Her actions were those of someone crying out for attention that she craved, and he found that he couldn't blame her at all for what she had done. From then on, he frequently went back to Mugenjou, making sure that he visited her along with his other friends. They grew to be like brother and sister, especially since she did remind him of one of his sisters who had perished in the fire. She had the same gutsy attitude and tough façade, though his sister hadn't been such a softie at heart. He remembered giving her a puppy once, because he knew she would like having something warm and fuzzy around her all the time. Something cute and lovable that would keep her company when he and her grandfather weren't around. It wasn't a pure breed or even extremely handsome, just a lost stray puppy he had heard whining in hunger on one of his strings. But she had loved it. He only remembered this because of the look in her eyes when she had seen it and because it was the first time she had called him 'Kazu-chan'. Kazuki liked having a little sister. He liked having someone to talk to, to advise, to protect and look out for not because she needed minding, but just because he wanted to. It came as a surprise to him when he suddenly felt a hollow ache in his chest when she confided in him one day, when she was fifteen.

"Kazu-chan," she had said, blushing an impressive shade of red, "I have a secret to tell you."

"A very big secret, by the looks of it," he had grinned. Ren only blushed when she was about to say something that revealed a very secret part of her mentality.

"I think I like someone," Ren said, not looking Kazuki in the face. He froze. He had thought that she had got over her crush on him years ago. They were like siblings. But if he thought it was a bad thing that she liked him, why was his heart thumping and anticipation (was it anticipation? No, it couldn't be. But it sure felt like it…) building up in his chest–

"Toshiki is a good choice, isn't he?" Ren, if possible, turned even redder.

Kazuki was rather glad that she wasn't looking straight at him, because he knew his face was wearing an expression of utmost disappointme–no, was he disappointed? Why should he be? He didn't have any feelings for her. Not that kind at least. But for some reason, he did feel kind of deflated now…

Pushing all his disappointment out of his mind, he smiled and agreed enthusiastically. Too enthusiastically. His voice sounded horribly unreal in its joy. But Ren didn't notice, too busy chattering about Toshiki and how sweet he was under all that toughness and rough exterior…she should have noticed earlier, especially when he was so sympathetic during that whole affair with Cruz Masaki and Makubex…and so good-looking too! Kazuki listened dully, letting out light laughs and smiling in approval (or so he hoped), trying to ignore an odd, empty sort of feeling in him.

Kazuki left Mugenjou once more. He didn't go back for years.

He heard from Juubei, Makubex, Sakura and the rest about Ren and Toshiki. They were happy together, something like Shido and Madoka. He tried to smile and feel happy for them, but somehow he couldn't. Toshiki came to see him once, alone. That visit had lasted exactly half an hour, consisting of attempts at making conversation on Toshiki's part and one-word answers on Kazuki's. For the first time in years, maybe even in his life, Kazuki felt extremely selfish. He couldn't not be selfish. Not this time. Not with her. He wanted her, as horrible and childish as it sounded, all to himself. But another part of him also knew that if she preferred Toshiki over him, he wouldn't ruin whatever they had between them. He'd be madly jealous and sad, but if she really wanted someone else he couldn't make her have him. He'd had his chance with her before. He hadn't taken it. And now he'd lost it. Who was going to cry for him? In the end, he left Shinjuku altogether. He left behind everyone, disappearing completely from all his friends. He didn't want to hear about Ren and Toshiki anymore, whether from the strings he could not resist attaching to her or from their mutual friends. He went to Okinawa, rented a tiny room and took any job that came along to make ends meet, as long as it didn't bring him back to Shinjuku.

Five years passed.

Kazuki remembered being sick. It was fever, or flu, one of those troublesome illnesses that aren't really serious but extremely annoying all the same, but whatever it was he had been too ill to go to work. He had a blazing headache and his stomach wasn't really feeling much better. Add to that continuous dripping from the nose, and one could say it was one of the most miserable days of his life. He had been lying in bed, trying to sleep his sickness away or at least ease his headache, when someone knocked on the door. He had been tempted to ignore whoever it was, because the only person who looked in on him was his landlord when his rent was due and he sure as hell was not anxious to see the surly man at the moment.

So he lay there, closing his eyes as if it could block out the sound, and tried to go to sleep. Eventually, the knocking ceased. He heard something being pushed in under the door, but felt too sick to bother looking at mail. It was probably a flyer or something. Kazuki pushed it out of his mind and gave in to his dreams.

The next morning, he found a letter addressed to him. He opened it and realized who had come to see him the day before. It was Ren, who had finally found him after searching half of Japan over the past two years. She had written her address in the letter. Kazuki packed everything he had (not much, he thought wryly when he did) and left.

When he did arrive, back in Shinjuku after half a decade, he paused outside her door, unsure of whether he really wanted to do this. She hadn't said anything about it in her letter. Kazuki wondered what he would find if she opened the door. Maybe Toshiki was inside, cradling a little baby in his arms. That vision made him tense. It almost made him turn around and leave. But he wasn't given a choice, because the front door opened and something with a lot of brown hair let out a yell and nearly knocked him over with a hug. "I knew you'd come!" Ren was practically screaming into his ears. "I knew I heard someone outside…I knew it was you!" She sounded so happy to see him that he laughed. He couldn't help it.

"Let me look at you, you dolt," Ren demanded, pushing him back to get a good look at him. "Whatever made you leave like that, without a trace? We were so worried, all of us!"

The mention of 'all of us' caught Kazuki. Without looking at her, he said in a very neutral voice, "So, how is Toshiki?"

"You might want to ask him yourself," Ren said. She didn't really sound like she was much bothered. Or was that just him hoping for too much? "Kazu-chan, it didn't work out between us. We were both young. We're still friends, of course, but nothing more. He found someone else."

Only then did he look at her. She was older now, of course, and age had made her boyish features a little more feminine, though her androgynous appeal was still as strong as ever. Something like his own, he supposed without vanity. She was still scolding him. "Do you know how hard it was to find you? How on earth did you survive all those years without a computer? It was only by hacking into your workplace's records that I found your address…why did you leave so suddenly, you idiot?"

"I won't do it again," Kazuki promised with a huge smile. Everything seemed a lot brighter now…he had his chance again. And this time he wasn't about to let it go. Confused about his emotions he might have been before, but stupid he most certainly was not now.

Three months later, he proposed.

Kazuki and Ren had been married for over a year already. Lost in his reminisces about their first date, their first kiss, their first everything and all the happy memories one thinks about when a loved one is in terrible danger, Kazuki hardly realized it when a poker-faced nurse came out to speak to him.

"You can go in now, Fuuchoin-san," she said in one of the most toneless voices Kazuki had ever heard. Apprehensively looking at her serious face, Kazuki took a deep breath and stood up, walking to the swinging doors as if he was about to face his worst nightmare (which could be the case. His face fell). Ren was inside, propped up on fluffy pillows. He sighed in relief when she looked up and smiled at him.

"Sit down with me," she said. "You look like you're going to faint."

"I was worried about you," Kazuki wanted to say lightly, but his throat felt too restricted for speech. He nodded dumbly and sat on the chair beside the bed, searching her face with worried eyes. She smiled that enigmatic smile at him again and nodded at something behind him.

"Congratulations, Fuuchoin-san," a young nurse said in greeting, holding a towel-wrapped bundle in her arms. "What are you naming her?"


End file.
